you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
