dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
