is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
