Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
