i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
