apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
