would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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