after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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