A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
