Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
NoShamevember. You game?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
