He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
