How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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