Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
