i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Reggie can tackle my bush.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
