my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
