would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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