don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
