You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
