Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
