That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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