two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
