I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
