He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
