i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
