the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
