what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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