So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
