Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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