ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
