My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
