I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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