He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
