He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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