My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
