everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
