On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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