Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
