Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
