i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
