We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
