If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
