For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
