So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
