I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
