Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
