I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
