After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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