omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
whose parrot is this?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
