i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
