and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
