community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
