It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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