I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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