Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
