how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
